Thursday, December 24, 2009

Winter Snowsuits $.5cents Each

We've been warned to worry about fleas, even in winter,
and we agree. Now At Last! There's finally a solution.
We've created the new space age product Fleasage.
Yes friends, now people all over Massillon, Canton, and
Akron can be among the first to walk their dogs in true style.

What's so great about Fleasage? Warmer and lighter than
ordinary fleece, Fleasage is the matterial that
we use to fill our special Flease Flea Snowsuits that keep
your fleas warm and happy all winter long {Patent Pending}
(pendin' on whether or not we file for one)

Yes! Now friends and neighbors when you put that diamond
studded collar on Fi-Fi you'll be glad you took that extra
step of care and status when you bought your fleas their very
own Flease Flea Snowsuits. On top of that they come in several
colors, and one size fits all. That way you know you'll have
the best quality, no matter whether your fleas are thin or fat.
Flease Flea always grows with your fleas.

In a special interview, Ms Flea offered this great reference... (post continues below)


So, don't be fooled, or settle for second best. Make sure you
only accept the original Flease Flea Snowsuit, check the label.

For Fastest Ordering Please Call Us @ #FF-364 Where our friendly
customer service staff, will explain in broken english, that our
minimum order is 100 Thousand per color.(Fleas reproduce quickly
and the cost is a mere $.5cents each, plus $.2cents shipping andhandling.
(master interest and travel broke credit cards only please)
*magnifying glass and tweezers sold separately*

Sunday, December 13, 2009

A Simple Act Of Kindness

I was looking through Craigs List today, the most important thing on my mind was locating a kitchen faucet. Hoping to find a bargain, I came across the following ad instead. As we face such hard economic times, it's important to remember, there are those who face a much grimmer Christmas.


A Simple Act Of Kindness

My name is Sandra. I am 43 and the mother
of two boys ages 9 and 14.I live in Essex
Nursing Center,in Tallmadge Ohio. Unfortunately,
I am dying.. My children and I are
separated due to my illness. We have
no family. My boys feel so alone. Please,
send them a greeting card to show them
you care. Please, send your greetings to:
Sandra H.
c/o Essex Nursing Center
563 colony park dr
Tallmadge, Ohio 44278

Please understand, I am not asking for money.
Just a small moment of your time. Please show
Doogie and Drew-Drew people really do care.

Thank you for caring, & Happy Holidays!!!

I think we should all remember how lucky we are this year, to be with our families, or at least to know they are all ok. I hope everyone will take A Simple Act Of Kindness to heart and send this family the love and understanding they so desperately need.


Thursday, December 3, 2009

How To Make A Buck start with a little mood music, some nice wine, and a very pretty doe named Bambi. (no relation to the original)

It's important to teach Bambi the importance of praising his big, handsome, rack.


Special Thanks To Mrs. Beetson

Though it's important to be coy,(she has to hightail it at first) as long as she wears that french designer perfume, Eau D'Estrus, she'll always get her buck. (Just a little on the backs of her legs will do it.)

There are some drawbacks though. For one thing, She'll probably have to find the refreshment, so she'll need to know how to outrun those pesky Walmart employees.

Special Thanks To Arbroath

The automatic door will open if she just runs for it. Grab the grapes if you have extra time, or the bottle of wine if you're in a hurry, and go! Not to suggest that makin' a buck has to be criminal, it just depends on the resources and taste.

She has to be a smart doe. The music will have to come from late night birds, not owls!
This music is known to attract others. Too often Owls are known to swoop out of the orchestra and eat certain members of the audience. Herbivores are almost always turned off by all this disgusting meat eating... Spoils the mood.

Never molt in front of him, nothing turns off the opposite sex like watching all your hair fall out.

If the stag is still hesitant you can give him a little cialis but if he remains eager after a week, call Dr. Dolittle!

Much like fraternity boys, stags like to hang out together. Although it's been said that they are trying to determine dominance, I think what they're really doing is deciding who's going to lead the Deers 'Safety Seminar'. Titles include things like, 'How To Find Daylight And Avoid Feeling Flat', and 'Only One Opening In The Hedge'. 'From Grass To
Asphalt Traveling Tips', has always been a popular class as well.

Unfortunately, the classes are given in the daytime when deer often snooze, causing them to miss a few details. Later on they get hungry, so that doesn't work well either.

If you think all of this sounds difficult, and rough, just remember, and don't ever forget... Nobody ever said that makin' a buck was easy.

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